Mrs A came to our clinic with one question, “What should I do with my husband who has been cheating for the past five years?”. She was in her early thirties with two children and a successful job, while he was two years older than her and a manager. He was also “charming, loving, and very kind”, according to her.
She found evidence of the “other women” on his WhatsApp messages and some days he would come home “late with a lipstick stain on his clothes”.
When she confronted him, he “cried and promised to stop, but returned to cheating after few weeks”. She was not sure what to do. Leave the house and ask for a divorce? Or turn a blind eye?
A statement, “Leaving your husband because he cheats is like leaving your country because it rains," is believed to have been said by the British writer Agatha Clarissa Christie. It suggests that infidelity is an unfortunate but tolerable part of marriage, just as bad weather is an inevitable part of life. But is this perspective valid or fair?
When trust is broken repeatedly, as in Mrs A’s case, it can lead to emotional damage such as feelings of betrayal, humiliation, and self-doubt. The partner who has been cheated on may constantly question their worth and wonder what they did wrong, even when they are not to blame. This emotional damage can impact different aspects of their life such as parenting, work, and friendships affecting mental health and overall well-being.
Mrs A’s dilemma is not unique. Many people in committed relationships struggle with similar questions. Societal pressure and concern for children’s welfare often complicate the decision to leave when trust is broken. In some societies, divorce is viewed as a failure, while endurance is seen as a strength. However, enduring an unhealthy relationship comes at a cost.
Turning a blind eye may seem like the easier option, especially when children are involved. Some argue that maintaining the appearance of a stable family is better for children than subjecting them to divorce. But most children can sense tension, sadness, and dishonesty in their parents’ relationship. Growing up in an environment where betrayal is normalised can send harmful messages about self-worth and relationships.
On the other hand, choosing to leave a cheating partner is not about giving up; it is about self-respect and setting boundaries. Mrs A deserves a relationship based on mutual respect, honesty, and trust. Staying in a relationship where infidelity is ongoing and unrepentant may compromise her mental health and emotional well-being.
While we all agree that deciding whether to stay or leave is personal and there is no one-size-fits-all answer, Mrs A can benefit from both individual and marital therapy. A counsellor can help her process her emotions, clarify her thoughts, and explore her options without judgement.
Couples therapy, if her husband is willing, can offer a safe space to address underlying issues in the relationship. Whether Mrs A chooses to rebuild the marriage or move on, it is important that she feels respected, valued, and at peace with her choice. The rain may fall, but we all have the right to decide how we weather the storm.
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