Who are the English?

MANY books and articles attempt to define what it means to be English, but the best I have read is Jeremy Paxman’s “The English: A Portrait of a People.”

Even Paxman, however, struggles with the task. As an English person, I recognise certain traits in myself and my fellow countrymen. Despite my frequent criticisms of the English, I like them — or at least, most of them.

This, too, is a distinctly English trait: we criticise everything — our government, the cost of food, foreigners, the health service, and, of course, the weather.

The list is endless. We joke about everything, finding those who take themselves too seriously, especially foreigners, particularly amusing. Above all, we laugh at ourselves and much of the best English comedy is self-directed.

We don’t take ourselves seriously and often cringe when we hear American politicians call their country “great” or when figures like Donald Trump or Kamala Harris are met with cheers and shouts.

For the English, this is embarrassing; the most our own politicians might receive, if they’re lucky, is a polite clap.

This brief article cannot fully answer the question of who the English are, but it might help illustrate that there is no simple answer and that the English are complex.

Even I find it difficult to define them.

We differ from our European neighbours in many ways, and being an island nation is at least partly responsible for this. When I asked other English people what it means to be English, few, if any, could answer.

I wasn’t looking for a definition of who qualifies as English — many would say you have to be born in England with two English parents —but rather how the English perceive themselves.

Since even we English don’t know what makes us English, it’s no wonder that foreigners struggle to understand us.

Our closest European neighbours, the French, fought alongside us to defeat Germany in 1945, yet a recent survey revealed that the Germans like us more than the French do.

The French gave various reasons for finding the English difficult. They take pride in their language and literature and are annoyed that English tourists speak only English.

As someone who speaks French and has studied French literature, I understand this. Most English people think they’ve achieved something if they can say “bonjour” or “merci.”

The French see us as hypocritical, condemning them for force-feeding geese for foie gras while we kill badgers and foxes if they become a nuisance.

They also criticise the way English women dress, being overweight and wearing ill-fitting clothes, while English men drink too much beer, have large beer bellies, and wear jeans and trainers for almost any occasion.

Most English people would agree with these criticisms, but what the French fail to understand is that we don’t particularly care how we appear to others and will often be the first to laugh at ourselves.

One question foreigners also ask is why we English drink so much tea. The simple answer is that we like the taste, it warms us in cold weather, and it’s a mild stimulant when we’re tired.

But tea drinking is more than that — it’s a sign of friendliness. We English aren’t always good at showing emotion, so offering tea to someone upset shows you care. If there’s an argument, offering tea can help calm things down. Tea, for the English, is not just a drink; it’s part of our culture.

Foreigners are bemused by our obsession with the weather.

Samuel Johnson once observed that when two Englishmen meet, they’re quick to talk about the weather, stating what is already obvious. What foreigners fail to understand is that talking about the weather isn’t because we are amateur meteorologists; it’s our way of being friendly and starting a conversation.

Saying, “It’s freezing out there” is stating the obvious, but it’s a way of breaking the ice.

The English can be arrogant and often think they’re the best, but we are generally honest, sometimes humble, and willing to admit when we’re not excelling, especially in football.

Football is another English obsession. We are modest about our achievements, usually polite, and strangely often say “sorry” even when we’re not at fault.

We are easy to please and rarely complain in restaurants. However, while we happily laugh at ourselves, we don’t accept criticism from foreigners gracefully.

English football fans wave the English flag at international matches and when they lose they can react in ways that others rightly find aggressive. I have not even touched upon the delicate question of whether the English see themselves as British or both English and British.

The Irish and Scots increasingly view themselves as distinct nations and often object to being called British as a result the United Kingdom is increasingly less united.