Quite often, parents ask me, “How can I get my kids to be the best they can be? How do I get them to understand they can’t do nothing and hope to get ahead? How can I make them understand that you get nothing for nothing?” Let me share with you, some philosophical approaches to share with them. They are a mixture of carrot and stick, but cannot be denied by any level of intellect or interest, and sooner or later, must be embraced.
I’m so sorry young ‘uns, but there is no substitute for work, so wherever you are, do the work, first. If you’re looking for the easy way to get things done, you’re looking for a trick, or an illusion. The plain truth is that there is never an ‘easier’ way that doesn’t include returning to the task again later to do it again, properly! The thing is that if you are looking at ‘short cuts,’ you are not being true to yourself, not developing the knowledge, skills, and understanding that are the real you.
Respect others – their opinions and positions: One of the keys to getting their perspectives and balance right, is to take them to a place where they will respect, and accept what people say without challenging every word and every step. This is where respect comes in, and understanding that it’s not a question of deference, ‘kowtowing,’ or ‘tipping your hat’ to anyone, but accepting their knowledge and experience can go a long way towards making sure your life journey will be easier than theirs was.
This requires the younger generation to be curious, not about answers, but about processes. It requires that they ask good questions, and listen to the answers. In other words, it is learning how to learn. Albert Einstein wrote that he had no special talent, except that he was “passionately curious,” while the noted poet and philosopher, Walt Whitman once wrote that we should “be curious, not judgemental.”
These are only two wonderful observations by intellectuals, but we do need to steer our young people towards empowering their own curiosity. The youth problem however, is that so often, many parents, supervisors, and even teachers just don’t want questions and curiosity, due to their own lack of expertise or knowledge, as they don’t want their own shortcomings challenged.
So, what’s the answer? Honesty! If you are posed a situation or a question that you cannot respond to... admit it! It’s not the end of the world, and in fact your honesty will almost certainly be appreciated. You will not be so intimidating in their eyes, and as I have often commented... weakness in these situations tends to be seen more as a strength, and when a little self-deprecation is involved, it can be a remarkably fulfilling for both parties involved.
They can’t be afraid of failing... at anything: Although failure hurts, it’s a bit like a kick in the seat of their pants. It hurts a wee bit, maybe their pride, but will actually be good for them, as they will rarely ever go through a day, let alone life, without some substantial reverses, and young people really do need to learn how to fail, and there is no truer adage than that ‘failure is a stepping stone to success.’
We must stop looking at failures as defeats, when they are the inspiration for resilience, the most demanding of all youth qualities, the hardest to get right, the hardest to keep ‘fronting up’ with, and the best life and workplace qualities a young person can have. Have fun – be enthusiastic - and use your imagination because our imagination is what separates us from the glories of the amazing animal kingdom, but above all, be yourself. Don’t copy, don’t cheat, don’t take shortcuts, don’t envy anyone else, just be you.
Why? Because as Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, because everyone else is taken,” and let’s face it, you’ld make a horrible meal of being someone else.
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