How to be mentally strong

I recently came across a book titled “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do” by the American psychotherapist and mental strength trainer Amy Morin.

The book provides the readers with tips on how to develop great mental strength by taking control of their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. I have selected a few tips to discuss in this column.

The first tip suggested that to be emotionally strong, we should not waste time feeling sorry for ourselves as this feeling is self-destructive and creates negative emotions that have unwanted impacts on us and the people around us. We all know that life is never like a fairy tale, and we are bound to feel disappointment and rejection at times. To overcome this the author recommends practicing gratitude and appreciating what we have rather than feeling sorry for what we don’t have.

The next point is not to give away our power to people around us who may distract us from reaching our goals in life. The following tip is to embrace positive change and be flexible and adaptable instead of dwelling on what we cannot control and recognise that we don’t need to please people all the time. Therefore, we should say no to things we cannot do while keeping kind to others. The author mentioned that to be emotionally strong we should take calculated risks before making big decisions to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly. We should avoid wasting time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. Instead, we should acknowledge our past and learn from it and avoid reliving bad experiences or fantasizing about the glory days. We should accept responsibility for our actions and learn from our past mistakes. When we are mentally strong, we tend to appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life without feeling jealous or cheated when others outsmart us. Instead, we recognise that success comes from hard work, and are become more willing to work hard for our chance at success.

Failure is not seen as a reason to give up. but as an opportunity to grow and improve. We can also tolerate being alone and we don’t fear silence. Being alone with our thoughts can be used as downtime to relax or reflect on things around us. Part of being mentally strong is the ability to enjoy our own company without depending on others for companionship and entertainment all the time. We also don’t feel entitled to things we have in life such as being taken care of by our spouse or children when we grow old or expecting to be constantly rewarded for our actions.

Instead, we look for opportunities based on our own merits. Not being fixated on immediate results is a characteristic of mentally strong people. Whether we are working on improving our skills at work or developing a healthy lifestyle we should not expect immediate result but apply our skills and time to the best of our ability and understand that real change takes time.

Finally, selecting from the above tips may not solve all your problems but will be steps toward self-improvement.