From grief to depression

Muscat: As the world celebrates World Mental Health Day this October, Observer looks at grief and emotion that sometimes go unnoticed to reach the level of depression causing serious damages to life. People grieve differently and at times a prolonged period of grief can lead to depression. A couple who had been trying to conceive for over 10 years eventually was successful through the aid of IVF.

Their excitement was high when they heard the heart beats during the scanning. They even named the baby but in the fifth month the expecting mother became unwell and had to be hospitalised and the doctors could not control her blood pressure because she was not responding to medication. The couple lost the child.

The story from then on is the father’s because it is he who decided to seek help as he realised his mental health was deteriorating. Proof of that was he wanted to end his life and only two things that stopped him -- his faith in Islam and imagining the pain his mother would go through if she lost him -- stopped him from taking a wrong step.

“As he could not handle the sadness for the loss of the baby, he could handle only for few hours,” explained Dr Hamed al Sinawi, Senior Psychiatrist and Head of Department of Behavioural Medicine.

“When we value things that we take for granted in life, we realise the pain the couple must have gone through,” reflected Dr Hamed.

For the father, the sadness went beyond the grief point and situation became complicated and he soon became clinically depressed and felt no joy in life.

“He was aware that he was burying himself at work as a form of escapism. Every time he came back home he was reminded of the baby. He drifted from everyone because he was grieving differently. The woman became more lonely and felt isolated and she returned to her parents, which was all unfortunate because they were the only ones who could understand each other‘s pain. But they could not bear the pain of the memory,” noted Dr Hamed.

This is why Dr Hamed believes couple counselling is particularly important in such situations especially when the idea is to help them communicate better than the silent treatment, shame and isolation.

“We cannot undo what has happened so it is important to talk to people who do not judge you, they need to be in safe zone,” he noted.

So do men and women grieve differently? “Yes, men and women respond to life differently even when it comes to mental health problems. Women are more at risk of developing depression, anxiety and they are more likely to seek help while men tend to hide their emotions. In some countries men who go through mental health problems go into the risk of smoking, drinking or even drugs and go into violent behavioural patterns. From cultural point of view, women are more likely to share their emotions and feel comfortable in speaking to others whereas men are more worried about being judged because they feel it is less manly to talk about the feelings and emotions. But the fact is it is okay to talk about it,” explained Dr Hamed.

According to him, communication is important and one has to speak to somebody they can trust and it does not have to be a professional. “Talk with someone who does not judge you. If that does not help and if you are facing dysfunction in your daily activities, then it is time to seek consultation,” said Dr Hamed.