The curious case of Lenin's brain

In January 1924, Vladimir Ulyanov died, who became known to the world under the pseudonym Lenin.

This leader of the Communists of Russia was a fierce opponent of religion. By his order, many thousands of priests and monks were killed, temples and monasteries, objects of worship of millions of people of different faiths, were defiled. But after his death, he was not interred, not burned in a crematorium, his mummy was dressed in a bourgeois costume and put up for worship in a mausoleum in the centre of the Russian capital.

Although the head of the secret police, Dzerzhinsky, initiated this, the Bolshevik newspapers claimed that the working class did not want to part with the dear dead at all. Several inspired resolutions of labour collectives, such as a locomotive depot, were actually received, but the death of the tyrant did not cause any regrets among the vast majority of Russian people. However, the “followers of the cause” were determined to smuggle the mummy into the community of the living. They reported that the deceased genius had a brain that was not comparable in size to the brain of an ordinary person. The Institute of the Brain was specially created to study this amazing organ sent down to mankind.

And then it was like a dam broke: they renamed Petrograd to Leningrad, any Moskovskaya or Dvoryanskaya — to Lenin Street, then Leninabad and Leninakan went, and there were many thousands of factories, collective farms and ships with this pseudonym.

Generation after generation fell asleep and woke up under the affectionate supervision of the “eternally alive” (no joke, it was this title that was constantly attached to the name of Lenin): at 6 in the morning and at 12 at night, the national anthem thundered from each loudspeaker: “The sun of freedom shone through the storms, And The great Lenin lit the way for us.” Each institution or public institution was obliged to decorate the walls with Lenin's sayings, which seemed to have sacred power. Entering the cinema, they saw an emanation of the Great Brain lined with tiles “For us, the most important of the arts is cinema”, at the post office - a stuccoed “Socialism without mail, telegraph is an empty phrase”. The workers of the power plant were haunted by the gigantic inscription "Socialism is Soviet power plus electrification." But woe was to him who would doubt the genius of these trivial statements.

A huge museum was opened next to the mausoleum, where objects that the new saint touched were exhibited. The objects of worship here were coats, trousers, boots, even a Rolls Royce, supposedly presented to the red autocrat by the English workers.

A strange paradox at first glance - the persecutor of religion has become the object of deification. The anti-religious frenzy of Lenin and his followers could hardly be explained by their materialistic views. In a paradoxical form, this thesis was refuted by one believer, who entered into a discussion with an atheist lecturer: “Do you believe that there is no God?” "Yes, I'm sure of it!" “So why do you fight with such fury for many decades against something that does not exist?” Tyranny cannot do without a deity. Therefore, he endows a human being with supernatural properties, attributing to him numerous virtues, portraying him as a standard of humanity, a role model. This did not prevent Lenin, who was brought up in a humane society, from enthusiastically putting together a political sect that made terror and destruction a means of developing a “new man”.

Perhaps if he lived longer, he himself was horrified by the work of his own hands. Most likely, the forms of the cult promoted by his associates would have disgusted him. But this did not bother them at all - the cynicism of the organisers of the temple was fully consistent with the precepts that the Great Leader left.

The owner of the Huge Brain (which was announced to children without fail already in the first grade) left a lot of detailed instructions on any issues. All others, who had a significantly smaller brain, could only obey the keepers of his precepts.

But his admirers never learned about the results of studying Lenin's brain. The institute, created for its study, in order to justify its existence, began to collect the brains of all prominent statesmen, scientists, writers. Of course, the brain of the head of the secret police Menzhinsky also got there.

The brains of women were not interested in inquisitive researchers. An exception was made only for Lenin's wife Nadezhda Krupskaya — as explained at the institute "out of respect." This infernal collection still exists, although no connection between genius and brain size has ever been established. By the way, Lenin himself had this organ of a modest size —1,340 grams, for comparison, the writer Turgenev had 2,012 grams.