Don’t worry, and be incredibly happy!

I have been, at different times in my life, like most of us, a worrier! However, if there is one outstanding learning in this often entertaining, sometimes chaotic, remarkably diverse, always well-intentioned life of mine, it’s that it is no use worrying! What will be will be, or “Que sera sera,” sounds and looks Spanish, but is actually of Italian origin. Apparently it is an English mispronunciation of the Italian “che sara sara,” that has taken root in the English context, partly due to the Doris Day standard of the same name, which was the theme tune to the film, ‘The Man Who Knew too Much,’ from 1956, the song winning the Academy Award for the Best Original Song. The chorus of “Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que Sera Sera,” has become iconic, and is one of those tunes that, having heard a few words, you will complete the line, and it will be stuck with you all day.

Anyway, we do worry. We are a generation of worriers, as none has before, and we can blame some of that on the anxieties of the global pandemic, where we both worried about getting Covid-19, and made ourselves ill, or we couldn’t care less about it, and made those around us anxious. It was a strange situation, something unseen was attacking us. Ironically, most of us were more concerned about infecting, or passing the virus to our loved ones, rather than for ourselves, which is a positive perspective in many ways.

However, the worries we commonly fall victim to, are relatively minor, often stupid, inconsequential concerns that we shouldn’t waste our time or energy on... and yet, that’s exactly what we do. An expert in Clinical Behaviour, Angela Fields, wrote last year that the transitions from childhood to adolescence, then adolescence to adulthood, and those that follow in terms of relationship development, parenthood and the like, have become significantly more challenging, and require more support than ever.

The things that worry us, that keep us awake, are often the least important, and if we try to think of the things we were worrying about yesterday, we won’t remember! Hmmmm, I wonder if we will worry about that! Winston Churchill recalled a man who had so many troubles in his life, who looked back on all of his worries and reflected that most actually never, ever happened, while another famous inspirational figure, Dale Carnegie, commented that “if you can’t sleep, do something! It’s the worry that stops you sleeping, not the lack of sleep!” The thing is, that despite what the experts or celebrities say, much of what the younger generation exhibit as boldness and certainty, is actually false bravado. They don’t know! They are just making it up as they go along, and the similarly facile social media support for inanity simply convinces them of the ‘right’ of their perspective.

Bluff and bluster, feeding volatility, follow... yet again, meaningless, in terms of right and wrong, and though difficult to justify, on the flimsiest of pretences, will be fought for most adamantly! So how can you teach yourself to worry less? It’s easy to say “just chill...” but not so easy to do, and with the best of intentions, telling someone that they must will just wind them up more. What should happen is to approach it from a different perspective, maybe by helping them understand that worrying just makes you tired! Also, identification of what is a genuine problem, and what is truly inconsequential, and not a concern, is important. Finally, we must all be patient, change doesn’t happen in five minutes, it may take months, as this is a form of therapy, or intervention.

The key though, is to keep the objective in sight, and that not worrying about progress can be contagious! “Worry,” someone said, “has about as much effect as trying to drive through a dead end street.” It ain’t gonna work, and it ain’t gonna happen.