Treat children with respect, reap the rewards

Ray Petersen -

petersen_ray@hotmail.com -

You know what it’s like when you wake up in the morning and your first thought stays with you all day? Well, in our Euro-centric societies, we often wake up with a song, or a tune, on our minds, and who knows why?

Anyway. This morning I awoke to a Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young classic from the 70s. Written by Graham Nash, it was a reaction to an iconic Diana Arbus photograph of an angry-looking child with a toy hand grenade, which prompted Nash to write of the implications of conflict and war within families, societies and countries.

Nash was himself a keen photographer with his own collection and curator, so the image obviously affected him on a personal level. Also a political and peace activist, his compositions tended to reflect disappointment with the way we live. He does however, on a positive note, seek solutions.

“Teach Your Children,” reflects that we must all have a code we must live by, and that the past, with all its agony and hardships, must remain in the past and should not be inflicted in any way on our children. I’m thinking this is a reaction to the millions of us (parents) who are always harping on that, “We never had, this or that, in my day.” Or, “You’re so lucky, in my day...”

And the reality is, isn’t it, that we seem to feel we must visit the horrors, or less palatable aspects of our past upon our kids, as if we must make them feel miserable to earn the right to adulthood? The reality is that when it’s put like that, we don’t really feel so good about it do we?

Nash’s solution is to, “feed them on your dreams,” and don’t ask them why they make their decisions, but to trust them. As young as they may appear to you, they are very much older, certainly more knowledgeable, and definitely more aware, than you were at the same age.

They will ask about your childhood, and your younger years, if and when they want to know about them, but to use the travails of your childhood and upbringing as a reason for establishing life objectives for your kids, forget it. It’s just another form of bullying.

Trust them, Nash writes, and they will reward you with the wisdom and learning of their own tender years. They are capable of new thought and perspectives, of new solutions, and will surely have the answers to many of the questions and challenges of your lives. After all, parenthood is not meant to be a one-way street. It’s not all discipline and direction, but knowing and nurturing, learning and love. It’s simply a question of balance.

Your children will learn much more from who, and what, you are, rather than what you say, and along those lines, Robert Ingham wrote of young adults, “Don’t worry that they never listen to you, but rather that they are always watching you,” the implication being that if you say one thing, and do another, you cannot be trusted, and that would be tragic.

Choosing a passion, a direction, a vocation or a profession for life is not your job as a parent. It is their choice, and you must demonstrate trust in them and who and what they have become. How about this? Treat your children as if they are the adult, the person, they aspire to be, they will recognise the trust and responsibility you are investing them with, and live their lives accordingly.

I know, and Graham Nash knows, you will treat your children well. But that’s just words.

Treat them with respect, and reap the rewards. As Nash wrote in his last line, “Look at them and sigh,” treat them with respect, reap the rewards, “and you’ll know they love you.”